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... to the moon and back again

Although I feel less an empty nester and more a worrier that all is ok with our giant fledgling, one of those AWK-ward moments, that can happen between parent and adult child, came bubbling to the surface recently.

At the end of one of my ‘Mum to Giant’ communications, I started feeling that the geographical distance needed more than a ‘take care’ sign off to our conversations. Which raised the question, how do you convey the depths of your feelings when you have never openly said ‘I love you’ to your grown up child?

Let’s be clear, (I hope) I wasn’t the hard and cold Victorian style ma who never showed affection past the words ‘pull yourself together’. When they were smaller giants, I had one (bedtime story) arm for each lovely and sat and cried while reading all types of parent-love books including Danny, who was the Champion of the World, a Horse who went to War, Baby Owls and Little and Big Nut Brown Hares.

I cried because (well, I do cry easily) the books triggered that ache in the pit of my stomach as the ‘this is what a Mother’s love's like’ nerve, shot its electrical signal probably, straight to that fist shaped muscle in the middle of my chest. And I remember the ease of indulgent kisses affirming my feelings.

In these mobile times, I have to admit that I squirm when I hear ‘love you’ as a seemingly throwaway comment, after the farewell and before the end click and the ‘what’s next?’ post phone call thought process.

I’m not passing judgement here; it’s just how I feel.

So returning to my current awkward moment, I knew I wanted to say something that wouldn't embarrass either party! But there I was stumbling over my love endorsing comment and, I have to say, I think it was a messy mix of blurb and embarrassment – by all involved!

So, I am back to square one and feel I should revert to a childhood memory to gauge my level of affection and simply say I love my giants … to the moon … and back again!

This blog is dedicated to my inspirational friend, who inspired it and who is loved very much!

Thanks to Sam, Anita and Walker Books for the perficpic

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