Autumn's enveloping us; I've been
noticing over the last couple of weeks.
The air is a little chillier, the
days are getting shorter and the leaves are still clinging on for dear life,
before they drop their jewel coloured corpses, to be kicked and scrunched by
conker searching foragers.
I heard Philip Schofield bemoaning his dread of the looming
university deposits, and was reminded of my own feelings this time last year.
With a whiff of smugness, I *tisked* and considered how I
was looking forward to the second year deposit of eldest giant.
The shift from
halls to first (rented) home brought back memories of my own first steps to
independence, spag-bol and piesporter; I was feeling excited, on eldest giants
behalf.
In truth, I was looking forward to a weekend away (enforced,
due to home-uni distance) and was well prepared to make the most of the
planned: bed, breakfast, evening meal and mooch ‘round the shops.
It came as a bit of a shock then, when the moment of
goodbye, awkward street hugs (for the stooping giant) and watching the seven
league stroll into the distance, left me with an unexpected feeling of morososity
(I know that’s not a word).
Whilst remaining brave, it dawned on me that the ache was
just the same as the one I’d felt all those years ago, on the introduction to
our new born child. An overwhelming feeling that I could no longer protect this
precious perfection, as I had done in the womb.
After the joy of seeing and knowing and studying every
detail of the tiny body in my grasp, I felt an enormous burden of responsibility
as the delayed realisation of separation engulfed me.
And there I was being smacked in the stomach with this same
feeling. I realised that my maternal instinct, groomed to perfection over two
decades, was screaming ‘you can’t protect anymore'.
Quashing this urge, I pulled myself together and considered that I could take a leaf out of Philip Schofield’s book and buy a DVD
boxed set to help me through the lengthening evenings.
Because, like the seasons, our children should always move forward.
